acis

i submitted a paper proposal to the ACIS today. i wonder what will happen? they do more modern stuff, and my proposal is for a paper on the irish language in medieval ireland, but the guy wrote me back right away and said he was glad to see a proposal on the irish language....so maybe that's a good thing. if so, then i wish i'd written a more dynamic proposal....i guess i can get the paper to me a more dynamic paper. it's interesting, i guess, or so i think, but i guess i'll need to make it more (or maybe less??) about the historyography behind language study? actually, maybe more about that. that's the interesting bit anyway: the history of the history of the irish language.

anyway, this is all i can think about. this and how i wonder if i'll make rent this month. both are boring to talk about unless youre thinking about those things too, so i guess i'll stop here. i'll let you know how it goes with the proposal.

going rogue

sarah palin's 'going rogue' is causing a minor stir these days, and i think i'd like to comment on it. caitie, if you're reading this, you already know what im going to say, so i guess this will be boring for you. i apologize especially because i know you are in need of a disctraction from finals. i promise to blog about something more interesting soon.

now, i would like to offer you a link to an article to which i will be referring: Bay Area Not Maverick Enough to Read Palin Book.
the attitude espoused by one or two booksellers in this article is, as they say, 'what is wrong with america today', not palin's stupid book. see this quote:
"Our customers are thinking people," said Nathan Embretson, a bookseller at Pendragon Books in Oakland. "They're not into reading drivel."

is that right, nathan embretson? how interesting then that your establishment carries almost the full run of Nora Roberts books. the pure DEFINITION of 'thinking literature'. this is not a slight to nora, i read my first nora roberts book this summer and actually quite enjoyed it....probably more because there was a murder mystery involved and less because there was weird romance-y sex, but still. enjoyable. this idiot, embretson, carries Nora but not Palin and purports to be a bookseller who prefers not to carry drivel??? your suspicion should be peaked.....

what about this gem in reference to palin's book by emily stackhouse:
"Anything like that we wouldn't carry, we're a small store and it would probably gross us all out. Some things you carry because of freedom of speech, but a book like that is just gross."

UGH! infuriating. if the measure of what you carry in your bookstore=books that aren't gross, then i would be very interested to know exactly what is so fantastic and enlightening about 'Vampire Kisses: Dance With a Vampire' or uhmmm that Desperate Housewives cookbook, both of which Cover to Cover (the establishment in question) carries. i hate this. this is CLEARLY a more important book than the Desperate Housewives cookbook. Of COURSE it will be a ridiculous book, it will probably be idiotic at times, intolerable, difficult, and certainly annoying, however, all of this is important.

the book is written by a woman who could have been the vice president of this nation. she has written a book. i do not think that necessarily means she has anything interesting or valuable to say, though i havent read the book so who knows i guess, but i do think this is very important....especially since somewhere inside me i believe she may, one day, run for president. what a valuable tool for liberals and palin-haters (not that they are synonymous) alike! if this book is really as 'gross' and stupid as everyone is anticipating, then we should all read it, and hold her accountable for the things she says in it. the worst thing to do in a situation like this is to squeeze shut our eyes, plug our ears, and shake our heads. i am not advocating the purchase of this book, per se, but i do not think censorship, other than in extreme cases, is ever a good thing. unless palin is advocating genocide, teaching the average person how to build a bomb and hide it in a building, etc etc then no, i do not agree with the 'social banning' of her book. have some balls, california booksellers, carry it in your stores. instead of encouraging ignorance, encourage knowledge. if you hate palin, have a reason....not just that you think she's an idiot. read her book and quote her back to herself....or to your palin-hating friends, they'll def think you're super cool and funny.

this brings me to another point. do i think bookstores have the right to do 'good business'? yes. the article cited above also mentions the fact that this book is not selling in the bay area. one of the bolder booksellers, sheryl cotleur, carries the book and reminds us of the monetary motivations behind carrying limited, if any, stock in saying:
"Nobody around here is particularly interested in her politics or her opinions. There's a certain curiosity, sure. But I don't think that translates into what people are willing to pay money for."

no surprises there really, but thank you for your honesty, sheryl! SO do i think these bookstores are making a conscientious decision not to carry a book by which they are politically, socially, or personally offended...no, i dont. 2 of the sellers mention here carry books by which i could actually be offended if i let myself really think about it. i mean, honestly, i do not think a book about how to cook in lingerie and seduce your man really does anything too positive for women. i think they are making a smart business move by not buying a book that they know they cant/wont really sell; in other words, they know their demographic. i just wish they would stop pretending they are supporting some sort of fucking noble cause, and would admit to their own desire to be successful bookstores. i mean, really, are these people seriously pretending to get behind fucking vampire-sex novels? no! vampire shit sells right now, so they buy it because they can sell it.

essentially, it never ceases to amaze me how narrow minded people on both sides of the party line can be. and i mean, censorship is a pretty dangerous practice to applaud because it goes both ways. i'd love to hear the uproar that would ensue upon the discovery that somewhere in the country, and of course this is certainly happening somewhere, a bookseller refuses to carry either of obama's autobiographies....this scenario is complicated by the fact that he is the president so, yes i agree that this lends a certain amount of importance to his books, but what if he'd lost and booksellers refused to carry his books because they thought they were 'gross'. imagine.....

tbc

remind me tomorrow to talk about why it's not a thing to be like 'oh, well im a bitch, that's just me' and think that excuses your acting like a bitch.

yours,
carolann

what can you do with a sentimental heart?

i feel like i have failed NaBlaPoMo....not because i dont blog everyday, i do (almost). but because my blogs are almost all the same. other people are writing humorous things in their blogs, but i write the same old pap about how my life is unsatisfying at the moment. i'm not sure how to break this cycle....i am too invested in it....it's all i can think about.....i eat, breathe, and sleep this unsatisfactory life, im afraid. i wish i had more to offer you. but i dont know that i do at the moment.

so, here we are again, it's time to blog and i have various funny quips to make about lady gaga (who is a genius) and sarah palin (also a genius) in my arsenal, however, i almost feel as though writing about them when im so clearly obsessed with something else would be entirely exhausting. and, as we have already established, i am exhausted most of the time.

it's obvious that NaBloPoMo has fallen on the worst possible 'Mo' for me. it's only halfway done and already i have decided both my path in life AND that i have missed the boat on walking it and will have to wait a year before i can attempt to walk it again. ahem, my apologies for the extended metaphore. so, what does one do when they've decided too late to go to school? i have a year before i can apply again, and a year and a half before i find out if i will actually be going anywhere.....thus the question remains: now what? what to do with a year and a half of 'freedom' and no money? i wonder where i'll be a year from now. i'd like to think i'd be in italy, living with my family like i've been promising to do for the past 5 years, but who knows....i have been promising to do it for the past 5 years. i wonder if i'll be here in new york still, working some sort of random job and going out a bunch. i guess that wouldnt be so bad. i'd like to get to know new york better i think....and i dont mean street name and directions, of course. maybe this will just be the time when i was 25 and lived in new york. and i'll look back on it and think it was silly, but that it was fun. maybe i'll spend this year pining away after graduate programs, like i am already doing, and then i'll apply (this time next year) and then i'll take off for france for a few months. that would be ideal. spend a year getting together a great application and taking some more irish and maybe latin classes, submit to a few conferences, apply and then move again for a bit. obviously the plan is to make a little money over this next year too.

who knows. all i know is that there is blog about lady gaga brewing in my head and the only thing that comes out is existential b.s., oh well.

also, this is for caitlin: oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?

blah blah blah

let's be honest, i'm basically just treading water right now. it's making me feel crazy. i just paid my credit card bill, which was basically doubled (almost tripled actually) due to late fees....which were incurred because my card number was stolen and someone MADE A FAKE card and used it all over michigan. i tried to protest these late fees, but it's sunday and no one's around and i dont get off work early enough during the week to actually talk to someone, so i just paid it instead. i am also writing checks to the hospital for my emergency room visit....and the checks are big because i dont have health insurance....because i cant afford it. it's a vicious circle, really. and i dont make enough money to do anything to begin with so now i reallllly dont have money to do anything. so, i'm just treading water. let's just come out and say it.

man, i think this is going to be a whole blog post about complaining, so if you'd rather not listen to (or read, i guess) complaining, stop reading immediately because here we go!

i also need to stop this internship. for real. im glad it's ending in a couple weeks because i really cant afford to do it anymore. internships that pay you minimum wage are for college kids....or trust fund kids. real people cant work these things; they cant survive. and like, also, they are kind of a waste of time. i guess i learned some things, no, i mean, i did learn things, and it was fun, but it's not real. it's not a job. and it might not even lead to a job right away, so there's not really a point. i guess it looks good on your resume, but what if you're starting to realize you might not even want to work in publishing anyway? then what? i guess 3 months isn't really long enough to tell whether or not you want to work in publishing, but right now it just feels that way....probably because there arent any jobs right now and people are actually getting laid off in publishing.

also, i miss academia. i miss the stimulation and the excitement. and i miss teaching. i miss feeling like im doing something, like im contributing something to the world. i dont know. it's not that i think everyone needs to contribute, or that people who do other jobs arent contributing, it's just that i'm good at teaching, and i'm good at thinking, and reading, and writing, and i feel like realizing what youre good at is important. i miss being creative also, and inspired, and excited. all these other things i'm doing, going out, and seeing famous people in the restaurant, and doing sort of new york-y things, they just feel very transitory. like im grasping at these things in order to provide some sort of stimulus, and it works for a while, but then i end up back here, in front of my stupid computer, complaining about how i'm not doing what i want and how i have no money.

i fear the worst has begun......i think i am becoming boring.

halfway point, i guess

ok. so i cant talk about lady gaga right now. im too tired and this is a topic which deserves my full attention. instead, i will talk abouuuuuut.....never wanting to go out on the weekends? no. decidedly not exciting. but, true nonetheless. i just get too tired during the week and then on the weekends i want to watch tv on the internet. UNLESS it's like im SO crazy all week that i have 4 cocktails at work (but after i clock out etc) and then go out until 4am. i guess that is also a result of being tired all week as well.

anyway, needless to say, i'm sitting at home right now watching deadliest catch and i am perfectly happy. i also love having the house to myself on the weekends. i just have to talk to and deal with people all day....like i just talk....all day....and so it's nice to just be quiet. even if trey is here we can be quiet. he's good at that sometimes and that's fun.

so, yea, my manager offered to talk to the pr firm for our restaurant about me. so that's an interesting idea. i really love them, and i think it would be so fun to work with them. they also do a pretty great job for aldea (the restaurant). oh! that reminds me, apparently aldea got named one of the top 10 best restaurants in the country by GQ. isnt that sweet? it's so exciting for george, the chef/owner....and actually, for everyone who works there i guess really. it must be really rewarding to have your very first restaurant of your own get the accolades that his has. i mean, not only GQ but great reviews by all these food writers like frank bruni etc. it would just be so exciting i think.

that said, i dont think i want to own my own business. it's just your whole life. i guess other people have jobs that are their whole lives, but i mean, it's different i guess because they dont necessarily put all their time and money and effort into it like small business owners do. it's just such an intense investment. man.

WHOA sister hazel (remember that band?) just came on the tv. theyre old now. maybe they were one of those bands who were always old, but dang, now it's just too weird to see them up there singing that one song they had that was famous for a second. mute.

ok. this is a stupid blog about nothing. NaBlpPoMo is certainly at fault for these shitty posts i'm making a few times a week. i guess normally i just wouldnt post, so, maybe i shouldnt keep doing it? i mean, it's way better to just commit to like one or two more significant/substantial posts, but that's not the point, i guess. hopefully that will be the point going forward. i'm half way through the month already, so i might as well stick it out, but i promise that after this month ends i'll try to just post better/more interesting things. for now....you get random rambling i suppose. my apologies.

better luck next time.

sincerely,
carolann

ps my spell check (yea i spell check because im a freak) just told me to capitalize 'internet'....someone needs to update that....now.

pps i love brooklyn. some drunk girls in retarded naked outfits (it's raining outside) are singing in the street and a guy just opened his window and yelled 'shut up!' to them and when they laughed and were all 'awww you dont like our singing?!' all cutesy he yelled 'no! you suck! now shut your freaking mouths and go home!!' haha. srsly.

the swiss escort

i lied about talking about that stuff i said last night. im already bored of it. what i will say, though, that the swinger thing was weird. i guess she wasn't a swinger, like, the couple was maybe? she was clearly hired by the couple for some sort of sex and she made that very clear to the restaurant....like even verbally. then physically. anyway, it was funny because she was working the woman in the couple pretty hard, stroking her face, shoving her hand between her legs, kissing her, etc all for the obvious entertainment of the woman's husband. it was all very interesting. she (swiss woman...i know she was swiss because she told me....it went something like 'im sorry we're late, i'm swiss so i'm always on time, it was these inconsiderate americans!' they were 40 minutes late) was like some sort of pseudo sophisticated educator or something, ordering champagne for the table, and wine with every course, and then giggling into her glass etc etc. it felt like the 1920's. i can't explain why, but it just did. maybe because she sort of looked like the 1920's/dressed like it too.

anyway, all of this is whatever. it's weird, i guess, and like pda is gross whether youre some sort of escort or not, but the stupid part was how 'okay with it' everyone felt they had to prove themselves to be. does that make sense? since it was girl on girl AND the husband was there, like, everyone felt like they had to be like 'oh yea that's nbd' whereas if a dude and some girl came in, all boozy and making out, people would be like 'ughghghg gross get them OUT of here!' it's just so funny that the minute it's two girls people feel like they can prove their liberalism or something by pretending it's totally casual. like, no. people shouldnt shove their hands between anybody's legs in a fine dining restaurant....if for any reason other than it makes lots of the other guests annoyed. and, dont worry, your liberalism is not affected by thinking EVEN girl on girl pda is annoying. i dont want to deal with anyone making out and spilling their wine at 10pm when i've been there since 9.30am.

the other funny thing is how girls who witness girl on girl pda feel the need to announce that they too have indeed hooked up with a girl and like so what's the big deal. like....oooookay, everyone shut up.
1) this is a lie in most cases/never involves the girl announcing this actually going down on another girl or anything like that
2) this is an ENTIRELY different situation that involves a monetary exchange
and
3) why are we talking about you? i'm pretty sure that every time you see a guy and a girl making you dont go 'whatever, you guys are so ridiculous, i've hooked up with a guy before, it's not a big deal' hahaha like what!??! imagine. i think i should start doing that.

i'm just still so curious as to why girls feel it's necessary to get attention by pretending to be bi. it's so offensive. like, how nice that you can just slip in and out of your sexuality like that. i'm sure a lot of people who are actually bisexual and really struggle with it have a lot in common with you. and also, what a great performance for men. funny how so many of these chicks who pretend to be bisexual...or even lesbians for a minute....also consider themselves to be some sort of advocate for women....or even, dare i say it, feminists. i work with one such girl, but i know a good handful of them, being from california as i am, and it is THE most ridiculous thing in the history. you are a problem for feminism. like, how is that so hard to see? feminism just has nothing to do with sexual preference. but i guess chicks who pretend to be bi dont really read books or essays on feminism...or if they do, i am almost certain they dont understand them.

anyway, we're starting to get into feminisim, on which i've written many an essay, and will have at least a chapter on in my (eventual) dissertation, of course. so i'll stop there.

tomorrow, we will be discussing lady gaga and what she has done (and will certainly continue to do) for our generation.

until then, i remain,
yours,
carolann madden